What happens when you compare your children to the children around them?

"My youngest child isn't speaking, but my oldest son was putting words together before he turned two!"

This is a common sentiment that I hear from parents during evaluations. It's natural to compare your child to the children around them (friends, siblings, cousins, etc.) It's a natural instinct to think "hmm...Johnny said his first word when he was 11 months, but Bobby is 13 months and hasn't used a word yet...maybe something is wrong."

So how do you know when comparing is productive or when it is causing unnecessary worry? And what can you do to put that worry at ease?

It can feel a little worrisome when your child's development doesn't appear to be on the same path as their siblings or friends. If you are concerned that your child is delayed from the children around them, the first thing you should do is contact a speech therapist. When you do this, you can share all of your concerns with the speech therapist and determine if formal testing (an evaluation) is required. Formal testing will allow skill-comparison to typically-developing children, and will assist in determining the presence of a delay or disorder - or will rule out any delay/disorder to show that your child is within the normal curve of typically developing children. Yes, you read that right, these is a curve! This means that even if your older child said their first word at 11 months, there is a curve which allows your younger son to speak at a later age and not be considered delayed or disordered. Children typically use their first word around the same time as their first birthday, but this could mean before or after. So if one child said their first word before their first birthday and your next child still hasn't said a word by their first birthday, that does not necessarily indicate a delay, it may just indicate a difference in your individual children. This is why a formal evaluation may help! It will take into account more than just one concern and will look at your child's overall language skills (the ability to use social skills, the ability to use other forms of communication, etc.)

A speech therapist will take your concern(s) into account but will also look beyond them to also consider other aspects of language to determine if there are other areas of concern which may cumulatively add up to a delay or disorder.

If you find your self comparing your child to the children around them, the best thing you can do is speak with a speech therapist to determine if there is a delay or disorder, or if your child is within the normal range of typical developing children. If there is a delay/disorder present, speech therapy may assist with increasing areas of concern.